


What So Proudly We Hailed

by Wolfsheart



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Gen, Inappropriate Humor, Steve's patriotic underpants, Theft, picking on the elderly, saluting, underwear stealing, what are friends for, with friends like these who needs enemies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-03
Updated: 2014-06-03
Packaged: 2018-02-03 08:00:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1737251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wolfsheart/pseuds/Wolfsheart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve's patriotic underpants keep going missing, but for what purpose?</p>
            </blockquote>





	What So Proudly We Hailed

**Author's Note:**

> I keep finding these perfect prompts on Tumblr. Like this one that inspired this fic: [And the Home of the Brave](http://cityeatspudding.tumblr.com/post/87717865020/seadeepspaceontheside-and-the-hoooomeee-of). I tried tracking down the original artist/poster of this fanart, but I couldn't find it. If anyone knows the artist, please let me know so I can give the proper link. And thanks. 
> 
> Also, if flag burning offends you, you might not want to read this. This ficlet requires a sense of humor.

Steve’s muscles burned from the strenuous work out, but he felt good.  He carried his change of clothes down the hall to the bathroom and was so focused on how fantastic the shower was going to feel that he didn’t notice his American flag underpants fell to the floor. 

He also didn’t noticed that they were snagged up before he could go back for them.

*

Two days later, Steve stared into his underwear drawer and discovered that he was down to three pair of those same flag boxer briefs, but when he looked into his laundry basket, none of them were there.  He remembered wearing them; he remembered taking them off to change, usually in the shower.  He’d bought the damned things because everyone teased him for his red-white-and-blue spandex uniform, and even Clint had taken to calling him ‘Star Spangled Banner’ along with Tony, which Steve would admit he preferred to ‘Capsicle’ and ‘Smithsonian fossil’ – though at least, Natasha was kinder in her jibes than Tony was.  But he thought he was showing a healthy, ironic sense of humor by embracing the name-calling. 

Besides, it had been the lead-up to July fourth, and Walmart had a sale on all patriotic clothing. 

Now, out of six pairs, there were three, and the other three were missing.  This was.  Weird.  Steve snatched up one pair and turned, completely missing the pair that flung out of the drawer before he slammed it closed. 

Later, he was just missing the pair. 

*

Steve awoke to the smell of smoke and threw himself out of the bed before he even opened his eyes.  He felt around the floor with his toes, trying to find the pair of patriotic briefs he left there the night before, but he couldn't find them anywhere.  Grumbling like the 95-year-old that he was, he stumbled over to the dresser, yanked open the drawer and peeled open his eyes to find one pair of tighty whities and nothing else. 

“What the fu –,” he found himself about to let out with one of Fury’s expletives, but the sound of singing outside where the smoke came from interrupted his swears. 

_And the rocket's red glare, the bombs bursting in air,_

_Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there._

He stomped outside in rumpled pj pants and a t-shirt with the more uncomfortable underpants on underneath.  Steve stared at the lot of them – Tony, Natasha, Clint, and Bruce, all standing around the barbecue grill just at the base of the flagpole.  Hoisted at the top was his _one clean pair_ of Stars and Stripes Forever undies, flapping in the breeze, while the rest of his pairs were bunched up in the center of the grill and on fire. 

Because they’d fallen to the floor. 

At the side, Nick and Thor leaned against a table with prepped burgers and hot dogs, all ready for the fire to die down a bit.  Both men held bottles of beer and tried hard not to laugh at the spectacle. 

Steve began to sputter, “My...my under...um...underpants...why...would you DO this?”

And at the sound of his voice, the singing stopped, and the other four turned to look right at him.  With as much pomp and circumstance as a decorated officer deserved, hands shot up to foreheads in a perfect salute to their captain. 


End file.
